Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
