im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
