He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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