I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
