Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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