I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
