Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
