so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
