My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
