my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
