I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
