I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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