What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Your penis caused this!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
