Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Come on in and take your pants off
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