is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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