Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
