Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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