STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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