'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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