It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
