Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize