You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
