think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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