You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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