I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
