I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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