It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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