i permit you to call me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
