dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
