Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
