I met the friendliest cop last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
