dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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