He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
