Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
