My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
