i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize