is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
