if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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