So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
