If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
