Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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