I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
