I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
