All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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