every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize