Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize