Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
