my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
