you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
