Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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