I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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