According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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