Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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