Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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