i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
