There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
