She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize