I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
