I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
