i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
