I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize