I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
