I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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