what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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