remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize