Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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