Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
