I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
3pm strippers are depressing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
