My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
