I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
