I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As shirtless as possible
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
