cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
