When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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