im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
