one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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