I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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