And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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