It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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