It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
