strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
