IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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