I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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