I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
