My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
