I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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