got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
