I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
