idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
