She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
