who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
