Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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