My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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