We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
