These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
