theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
