we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
