My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
