I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize