do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
