You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
