he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My dick has a subreddit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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