My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
