I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
