I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
